THE HIDEOUS TRUTH

HIDEOUS! yeah! not UGLY, but HIDEOUS

xxxxxx

dear APPLE,

[yes, i dedicate this *hideous* blog post, for you.. i'm so sorry, but i feel like i want it to..]

mmg da lame nak cakap kat ko ni, but, i dont have the heart.. but now... i'm talking.

hurmm...yes yes.. mmg aku ngaku, aku ngaku amat, aku suke amat kat ko.. tapi ko tatau, yg aku suke ko, BERPADE2, everytime aku nak msg ko, aku chant pekataan "KAWAN , KAWAN, KAWAN" to remind me that, ko anggap aku mcm kawan je.. aku tak kesah sikit pon, kes ...aku sedar sape aku neh..

but then.. bile aku ade terlanjor kate sket, ko amek tindakan drastic, yg buat aku hilang respect aku terhadap ko, hilang selage expectation baek aku terhadap ko.. aku pikir ko ni, KOLOT pemikiran..

well, aku yg bodoh amat ni, still lagi *suke* kat ko.. i dunno why...

ok, maybe i know why, aku rase, disebabkan aku terlanjor kate2 tu la, ko jadi amek keputusan cntu, so i blame myself for all your *mean* action, ko tak salah, ni sume salah aku, but... aku expect ko leyh cool je, mcm ko salu wat, ko seorg yg cool.. ko tau tak?

ok ok, then, aku penoh usaha ah, nak kawan ngan ko balik, macam2 aku wat, aku try msg, ko tak balas, aku try call, ko tak angkat, kat kelas, i also do you A FAVOUR, aku duk kat tempat strategic habes, yg ko or aku tak nmpk masing2, so that, masing2 rase tenang je dlm kelas, i really did that.. really [ko yg tenang, aku merane amat]

aku sporting, aku ngaku salah aku, aku even try to find out how am i gonna repair this, coz, even if its me, i dont want it to happen either... so, just let me try harder so that i can really repair this awkwardness.. but, I REALLY DO KNOW THAT.. it would never be the same.. even tough i try so hard..

but somehow... i really wish i was dreaming all the time... n i can't wait to wake up from this NIGHTMARE..

HELLO~, just how long do people can dream eh? not THIS long dude.. so, open up your 'opened' eyes.. tell yourself that, you're not dreaming.. wake up!

ok, lately, everything da macam nak back to normal, aku plak , take EXTRA precautions so that the same thing wont happen again, BUT, i dont think i wanna be someone else, when i AM MYSELF, so, aku nak tunjok kat ko, yg aku neh, still mcm dulu, so that sume mende yg ko pikir sal aku sebelom ni, is not just an *weakly* act, IT'S JUST THE REAL ME..

well..ko and aku, lately, texting mcm beser, tapi, aku dpt rase kekurangan n perbezean dulu n sekarang..

kalo dulu, kite mule2 start text, ko mcm suke aku text ko, n ko plak reply je, EVEN ko ckp, ko tak suke texting2 msg2 nih sebenanye

dulu, aku try tak msg ko seharian, kes aku tanak bg nampak desprate or gile sgt aku kat ko... tup tup, ko msg aku dulu, ko macam wonder, nape aku tak msg ko ari terbabit..

"Oit! ko tade kredit eh?"
"Oit! da tido da ke?"
"Oit! nape ko tak nyanyi kat kelas tadi?"
"Oit! ko watpew?"

see? brape kali aku try tanak msg ko? n brape kali gak ko yg *wonder* nape aku tak msg ko? bukankah itu menunjokkan yg ko *suke* and tertunggu2 msg aku? well..maybe aku salah tafsir psycology ko, but, kalo in wise thinking, mmg tu je jawapan bg tindak tanduk ko..

sekarang.. aku msg ko pon, ko tak balas.. aku msg 200 patah pekataan pon, ko reply, 2-3 ketol je.. aku tanye ko wat pe, sure ckp da ngantok, nak tido, asyik aku je yg start msg, n ko end msg.. even aku try wat trick 'tanak msg ko seharian' pon, ko mmg da tak wonder or tunggu2 msg aku da..ko da tak tye aku nape tak msg ko da.. ko mmg nak da TANAK, ko akan rase bahagie kalo aku tak msg ko..

patu, sekarang, aku pikir, yg ko dlm proses nak wat aku benci kat ko, n then aku da tak suke da kat ko, OK! NO HAL, go ahead, keep on doing things like.. :-

letak gmbr pompuan cute mane ntah kat ko nye myspace profile under 'general interest',

or letak ayat jiwang n bahagie habes kat headline myspace ko.. kononnye dedicate kat sorg pompuan yg berjaye mencuri hati ko..

or privatekan sume gambar2 ko so that i wont be able to stalk on you anymore..

go ahead.. keep on doing more things like that, coz you know why? IT SLOWLY WORKING!

aku ngaku, *ni satu pengakuan bodoh amat* aku ngaku yg aku penah nges 4 kali pasal ko, WHEN I KEEP MY WORDS THAT SAYS I WONT CRY BCOZ OF BOYS... and tahniah, ko org lelaki pertame yg dpt wat aku BREAK MY OWN WORD... and cry ;(

do you know that every thing arround me, that ever remind me of you...makes me suffocate everytime i see or heard it..

every songs that you sang to me.. when i heard them, i feel like i wanna run as far as possible, so that i cant hear no more..

i choke on myself, i feel nausea, i can't breathe easy when its comes to you.. DO YOU KNOW THAT??

ko tau tak ko telah mmberi impact yg besar dlm diri aku? aku tak penah rase bahagie sebagai mane aku rase bahagie when i am with you...

ko tau tak, whatever happen to us back then, is the most sweetest thing that ever happen in my life? it is more than i could i wish or imagine!

do you know that you're the first guy that i ever opened up to? the rest of the guys back then that i ever like+love+crush is just merely a crush? i never told them that i like them, really, even to you, i never say so, i never tell you the word "I LIKE YOU" never ! i knew it because i know if i did..

i just give you a lil word, some hints, but never give you a statement

i was once gave you a statement says that

"you ARE the APPLE in my eyes"

but then, when i ask you if it is okay if i say that to you, you're cool with it, you said "IT'S OKAY"

i guess you could take it as a joke, every hints i gave you, i thought that you could assume that i'm not for real, when i am really mean all those things..

well.. there would be part 2 for this "letter" , so... let me end now.. for good